Stuff on my mind

This will be a short list since I’m nodding off (Yes I’m in the office, and your point is?!!).

1. Valentine’s Day this Wednesday and a booking at a nice Japanese restaurant.

It really didn’t matter so much where or what we did, but it mattered a lot that he came up with the idea and actually called the restaurant up to determine our options before surprising me by broaching the subject. And for someone who doesn’t plan ahead, to tell me that he had been ‘thinking’ about it 2 weeks in advance was music to my ears. I’m certainly looking forward to it.

2. Welcoming the Year of the Pig with a week long holiday.

Plan for Day 1: Nothing

Plan for Day 2; Nothing

Plan for Day 3: Nothing

Plan for Day 4: Oh, you catch my drift :)

4. Moving office (Again!)

Well, technically just moving 3 floors down, which isn’t such a big deal except that I’m going to lose my very strategic ‘feng-shui-optimized’ (and by that obviously I mean I can blog and surf in peace, like duh!) current seating position. And it’s all the more painful because I endured many months in a very open space which seriously limited my ‘recreational’ activities, only to be promoted last month to this much coveted place to the envy of all my colleagues. The seating plan in the new office space hasn’t been allocated yet, but with my luck (and I have none) I will almost certainly be placed right under the nose of the big boss. I can just feel it in my bones; my days of blogging in the office are numbered…

"I am so much older than I can take...." - The Killers

I’m 29 years old this year.

Nope. No matter how often I repeat this to myself, it still hasn’t sunk in.

You see, I spent the better part of early 2007 reconciling myself to the fact (or at least I thought it was) that I would be turning 28 by the end of the year. And now it appears that I have in reality aged 1 year overnight! Oh the shock and horror of it all!

Funny thing is, my dear friend who pointed this out to me and made me do the match and all, also went around merrily proclaiming she would be 28 this year. There is obviously only one conclusion that can be drawn from this revelation: when you turn the ripe old age of 29, memory is the first to go. Not a surprise actually.

How could I have missed the signs? It was plain to see: all of a sudden the new recruits at work are younger than I am, the lines around my eyes are more prominent, oh, and don’t even get me started on the southward migration of my fleshy bits. Come to think of it, my weight gain probably has more to do with an age-induced slowdown of metabolism rate rather than my pleasant assumption that it was a by-product of happiness and being lovingly fed by my other half.

But the fact remains:

My mind and body are in decline!

My prime is over! (which really is extremely unfair since I don’t remember ever experiencing a ‘prime’, damnit!)

I have dwindled my youth away!

Erm…can you say drama queen?

Well at least this gives me the right to huff and puff and blow away the next person that dares to call me a ‘girl’. And yet I still feel like a kid. Being called a ‘woman’ is for grown-ups and I have such a long way to go.

29. Heh, can I even count that high anymore with my feeble brain?

Swirls in my coffee cup

The waiter must have been in love :)

(And if you see Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny or any Sesame Street characters instead, you must be blind, blind I tell you!)

4.30pm on a Monday

I feel like something different. I feel like dropping everything and flying off!

But then I think, ‘Oy, I hate packing”.

Heh ;)

When shopping is less than therapuetic

Sunday morning flea market excursion, success rating: zero. Nadda, Zilch. And I had such high hopes too.

The quest for decent, good-looking shoes that don’t cost a bomb is a lonely and immensely frustrating one. In and out of shoe shop after shoe shop for months only to be continually disappointed at the blandness and flimsiness of the wares on display. When I actually come across something I actually like I can predict the outcome when the salesgirl goes off to look for my shoe size, it’s inevitable, they would have just sold the last pair with my size and no, they will not be getting any new stock.

I have always thought that there is an every ready market for shoes. Women of all shapes and sizes love their shoes. It’s universal because while some clothes lines cater to women of a certain shape, making it especially hard for plus sized women to find clothes that fit, shoes for the most part are not so discriminatory. I know I would (almost) kill to have my pick of shoes that are stylish yet classic enough to not ever go out of style. And there shouldn’t be a trade-off when it comes to quality either. Hm, it’s times like these that I idly muse about opening my own shoe shop. I’d just need to source for the correct merchandise, the market is already waiting impatiently.

When I come to think of it actually, the same goes for clothes too. I’ve always preferred classic pieces to whatever is the current rage. I think women should learn to stick to whatever looks good on them and clothes that will not age rather than blindly following the waves of fashion. Case in point, what would possess any woman, no matter how shapely, to think she looked good in three quarter leggings? There is a reason this trend died out, resurrecting it probably means the fashion industry has run out of ideas. One should never wear anything they would be mortally embarrassed about when faced with old pictures of themselves. Of course there are times when trends do take a turn for the better, and produce as a result a ‘new classic’ so to speak. Unfortunately trends like these are few and far between.

This is obviously the rant of a dissatisfied shopper. People complain that there are too many malls in KL, but while I think there probably are enough, the problem lies in the imbalance between quantity and quality, we’re high on former but low on the latter. I wish there were a solution or a satisfactory conclusion to this dilemma, but I suspect that I (and those of you in the same boat) am destined to wander the malls forever searching in vain for that elusive shopper’s haven where clothes and shoes look and fit like a dream. Yeah, but for now, that is just what it is, a dream.

And if you think this is too melodramatic for something as frivolous as apparel, then you do not belong to my target demographic (read: you’re a guy).

Excerpts

First thing in the morning…

Colleague: “Why do you look so elegant today?”

Me: “Heh. You shouldn’t be surprised, I look ‘elegant’ everyday!”

Colleague: “No-oo, you sometimes dress quite casually actually”

Me: “*pauses*…Well, those are the days when I get up on the wrong side of bed”

(Smart-ass) Colleague: “Then you must get up on the wrong side of bed all the time!”

Me: (>_<)!!!!

****

A little later in the afternoon, an unexpected brush with the past…

Ex-Customer of Ex-company: “I thought you looked familiar! When did you join Company XXX?”

Me: “Oh, almost a year ago”

Ex-Customer of Ex-company: “So how has it been so far?”

Me: “Good, good” (Boss standing within earshot, an affirmative answer was required.)

Ex-Customer of Ex-company: “Must be, I see you’re glowing!”

Me: (^_^)!!!

***

I went swimming after work with my ex-colleague yesterday. Based on my calculations, it’s been almost 2 years since I last wore my swimsuit, and that was when I went diving. I’m glad it still fits, though it seems to have to stretch more to accommodate me! ;)

Curiosity killed the cat?

I read an article in today’s newspaper that I found interesting. It was about the link between unusual curiosity and a sense of well-being. “Trait curious” people, as psychologists’ call them, have an infinite sense of wonder and tend to delve deeply into things that interest them. Incidentally these interests are wide and varied, and they often get lost in the focus of their attention. It is postulated that these people are ‘happier’ than their more disengaged peers because of the satisfaction they gain from learning new things.

It’s really all very logical. Curious people would probably never know the meaning of boredom since there are just too many things in the world (and beyond) to discover and master. How wonderful it must be to be capable of such continual fascination! I know of only one person who is exactly like this and I completely understand and perhaps am a little jealous, but in the best way possible :). What shines in his eyes are the twin lights of active interest and intelligence.

***

While for all intents and purposes I quite often appear to be detached and bored, I know that I love to try new things. My curiosity so far has been more of an actively ‘do and learn it’ rather than a ‘read and learn about it’. For instance if I wanted to find out about scuba-diving, I’d just go and do it instead of researching everything about it first. (Though this might be a really bad example because I actually did a fair bit of research after I committed to it and scared myself well and good before I even put on a wet suit!) And while I am definitely game for new things I tend to be more selective and the biggest problem is sustaining an interest in it. I have a short attention span and can lose interest as fast as I gain interest. This has caused quite a bit of difficulty for me since for as long as I can remember I have always been on a quest to find that one (or two, or three!) all consuming passion, believing that it will bring me happiness, fulfillment and lasting contentment. Not finding it leaves me slightly depressed, disillusioned and dare I say it, bored.

I have hope though and I find myself not too worried these days that I have yet to find my Nirvana. A wise person once advised me not to try to hard and expect too much. Not to put all my eggs in one basket, not to place all my bets on one horse as it is setting myself up for major disappointment when I don’t immediately take to it like a duck to water. To accept that I might not necessarily ever find that elusive thing, but in the meantime I shouldn’t waste my time moaning about it but instead try and experience everything and if it doesn’t work out just move on to the next and the next after that. And who knows, perhaps one day when I least expect it, I might inadvertently stumble upon it.

One can hope, yes, one can hope.

Solitude is required for creativity (well at least for me)

Bran knows how disturbing and distracting I find places with many noisy people and other clamoring sounds to be. He on the other hand can shut it all out (or should I say embraces and becomes one with it :) and carry on peacefully. It’s quite a talent. I usually just end up glaring at people which doesn’t get me anywhere since everyone’s too busy talking to notice! And even if they did, they’d probably insist it’s their God-given right to contribute to sound pollution.

***

I’m getting dreamier these days. I tend to wander off regardless of whether I’m alone or in the company of others. In fact I’m getting more and more anti-social as well, preferring the company of my own thoughts (or the blissful lack of them) while I’m sitting in the middle of full on chattering amongst the colleagues. I wonder idly that they might think I’m to quiet when in fact I just don’t feel compelled to make the effort to participate. However methinks that I really should make more of an effort if only to conform socially especially in the work environment. Being a social outcast can’t possibly enhance my career advancement. Hm. What a bother.

Laugh, smile, grin, talk, feign interest. I need to be better at faking.

"The plane! The plane!"

(Ugh. The internet connection is so damned slow!)

In other news, it’s the second day back at work after probably what must have been the longest break I’ve ever taken since I started working: 12 whole days, imagine that! It’s been tolerable so far and maybe it has something to do with the newness of the year. But the best part is that it’s a half week and the weekend is just happens to be a day away :)

***

I was waiting at a traffic light on the way home yesterday evening when I caught sight of a light aircraft lazily making its way across the sky. As I traced its flight pattern with my finger to the window screen, I sighed and smiled to myself in happiness. I am reminded that I have hope, I am more at peace than I have been in a long while and everything will turn out just fine in the end.

Time for another smiley! :)

To the future and all it holds

I like to think I can multi-task. Fact is I just spew this untruth at job interviews to seem more impressive that I really am. I can really only concentrate on one thing at a time; when I read I must have silence, and when I listen to music it is impossible to get any work done.

So like right now with all the commotion in Telawi street and Clint Mansell on repeat thru my earphones, I can’t hold a single thought in my head. I should just give up now.

Yeah, yeah, but I’m stubborn.

***

So much for being stubborn, it’s about 2 hours later and as I sit here typing on my ‘obelisk’, bran’s immersed in the Man U game (though not so much that he can’t join me in duet-whistling of Christmas carols ;).

For next year I have already settled on two resolutions:

1. Join a dance class. I’m thinking probably Latin, salsa perhaps? I’m pretty sure though that I’ll be paired off with some other lady who, like me, lacks a male dance partner. That’s all right though so long as she stays clear of my toes.

2. Visit at least one overseas destination. And by ‘overseas’ I mean a foreign country and not just a local destination that requires me to fly over a body of water! The only other rule is that it must also be a place I haven’t visited before. Since I’m not exactly rolling in riches (still haven’t struck the lottery jackpot, which admittedly is a little hard to do since I never buy lottery tickets) it’ll probably be to a Southeast Asian destination. Like I told bran, the idea is to go someplace where you don’t understand a single word the locals say, you don’t know what cooked creature (parts) you are about to consume and you frequently have no idea where you are or how to get where you’re going. Sounds exciting (and a little life threatening) eh?

Looking forward to it; the coming year, the future and all it holds.

It’ll be a good one. Trust me, I’m clairvoyant.

Listening

Come to me. Tell me your tale.

I will listen intently and never waver in my concentration.
I will be quiet as you find your story’s momentum.
I will nod encouragingly (but ever so slightly) when you show hesitation at the verge of revealing your deepest secrets.
I will tactfully mould and condense my questions so that you do not feel threatened.
I will ask them only in moments of lull so as not to distract from your rhythm.
I will coax you gently along the path of your memories.

And you, you will remember what you thought you had forgotten.
Your mind and heart will remember how it used to skip to a different beat
You will relive, reawaken, resurrect, for just that fleeting moment, your bittersweet thoughts, fears and desires of a life lived hard.

And in the end, you will feel your story safe with me.
You will feel nostalgic but relieved that a stranger (a friend) heard you and understood.
Heard you, and shared your pain and joy (and laughter and tears).
Heard you, and did not judge.

And I will be satiated.
I will marvel at how even the most unassuming people have their own tales to tell.
Tales I had, and hope to continue to have, the unexpected honour to be entrusted with.

So come to me and tell me your tale.

I am listening.

Right this moment

I'm sitting on the bed by the window hearing the rain patter down.

My nails are bold red sprinkled with gold dust. An impulse buy that's more Christmas-y than I actually feel.

There's the heavenly smell of slowly simmering prawn and tomato stock wafting through the house.

The bf is out having his hair barber-ed after which he will come home and try the new recipe we watched on TV last night.
.
.
.
I am so lucky.

I, Kate Hudson

When not in front of a mirror, this is roughly how I imagine I look like now :p.

So it ended up more like Kate Hudson rather than Kate Beckinsale, but life, it goes on. As long as little children do not run and hide behind their mothers skirts when they see me approaching, i'm happy enough :)

On to the next burning question: How do I get boobs like hers?

Hair-raising

Is it too much to ask that when my hairdresser perms my hair, that I miraculously transform to look like Kate Beckinsale too?

Sigh.

I've decided that I will go ahead. If this year turns out to be the year for a hair disaster, then so be it.
I will tempt fate.
I will be zen.
Ommmmmm......

(Wait a minute. Curls rinse out, right?!)

And around we go

Went to Mid Valley (MV) after work last night. Was happy when I finished and looked at my watch to realize it was only 7.30pm. So there I was happily thinking I’d be back home before 8. Heh, but I reckoned without the mysterious jam.

It took me all of 20 minutes to even exit the parking lot. And then the crawl just continued: inch by agonizing inch. I thought perhaps a traffic jam on the Federal Highway was back-logged all the way to MV. It finally took me and hour to clear a semi-circle around MV and then the Federal Highway was……not jammed! So the traffic jam was only around MV, like an insanely slow merry-go-round with toy cars that don’t go more than 1 kmph with frequent stops to enjoy the view of concrete and fellow toy cars.

I’ve been to MV on weekday nights and it’s never like this, so perhaps it’s the combination of several factors: the Year End Sales (Y.E.S.!), the school holidays, the people clearing their annual leave before the end of the year and even more people out for Christmas shopping.

In any case, avoid MV at all costs unless your life somehow depended on visiting a shopping mall.

“A person's mood is an observable affective state, which can consist of a combination of emotions. In normal functioning, moods are influenced by external events, which is adaptive.” – Courtesy of Wikipedia

I was in a bad mood yesterday. But instead of doing the usual thing of brooding, indulging and giving in to it, I chose instead to warn bran, who expectedly was somewhat perturbed and concerned. He did the right thing though: asked, listened, talked, even if he was a little impatient to watch Amazing Race (The Barbies are out! And Bama are in the final three! Who’d have thunk?) :p

Anyway I thought up a little theory last night. Contrary to what Wikipedia says, perhaps my moods aren’t so much influenced by external factors and events, but rather a result of some chemical imbalance in the body. A shift in hormone levels perhaps? Basically a physical cause that triggers emotional symptoms.

This I figure because I realize that I am almost always acutely aware of the exact moment when the shift or change happens. As I told bran, it’s almost a physical sensation, like pain (though it’s not painful). And the other reason is because even in that state, I can think rationally and no matter how much I search, I can’t find a solid reason for feeling that way. But I know for certain that once I get started, even little things that would normally pass below my radar serve to compound that bad feeling.

This is as far as I’ve gotten actually. The next step would be to try and figure out how to deal with it:

1. Admitting it. Let it be known rather than found out since that implies that I have let the mood lead to consequences.
2. Talking it through (though I usually feel far from chatty)
3. Eating! Seriously. Even if I’m hungry I still have no interest in it but when I do it seems to ease the edge a little.

(There is still much to learn, new discoveries to make. And then things change again, so we’ll just see how things go and ride the waves as they come.)

The end is near.

December is going to be an interesting month. I can feel it in my bones (All of which by the way are encased in way too much fat and flesh, more than I’m used to. But I digress)

November somehow wasn't what I'd expected it to be, not that it was bad just that it was somehow unremarkable even though technically it should have been what with the celebratory events. But December, now December, here’s a month to watch out for.

So stuff to look forward to in December:

1. Company annual dinner on the 15^th,
2. Christmas on the 25^th and
3. New Year’s Eve on the 31^st.

Looking forward to the annual company do this year because well it’s my first with this company and technically the first time I’ll be attending a function of this scale since ex-company was a small one so there was never anything more than a simple dinner here and there. I would have liked the function to be a grander, dress-to-kill kind of occasion, but it seems that the organizers have opted for a kitschy 70’s themed party. I certainly won’t be following the theme but the rest of them who will be doing the same are opting for a more casual t-shirt and jeans getup. And here I am itching to wear a dress and glam it up a bit. Another thing is I wished I could bring my significant other half along but the invite for outsiders is extended to spouses only and besides he has his own department function to attend, so boo-hoo, sorry little me will have to go alone. Sigh, L.

Christmas. Well, as years pass by, I’m getting more and more blasé about the celebrations. Seems a bit of a chore having to crack your head for Christmas gift ideas, then decorating the house, and all the cooking and preparation to be done just fills me with a feeling not far from dread. I used to bother if I had something nice to wear for Christmas. These days I’d just wear any old thing as long as no one has seen it before. And presents aren’t much to look forward to anyway, guess our tastes get more sophisticated as we get older and so I don’t expect anything and gift giving just becomes a formality.

Now New Year’s Eve is a different story all together. I’ve never been one to celebrate it, and remember many a New Year’s Eve spent at home in front of the telly with a party pack in hand watching the countdown (It really isn’t as miserable as it sounds!). And the years when I did want to go out and celebrate, no one was ever free or willing or even in the mood to accompany me for a night of revelry out and about in town. But last year I had fun at the laid-back and almost intimate barbeque at home even though yet again I was foiled in catching a glimpse of the fireworks. This year I guess there’s no need to fix what ain’t broke. And so barbeque and the best lamb chop I’ve ever tasted it is.

Also by virtue of it being December, the mind is racing, mulling over things as the year hurtles inevitably towards its end. Ah, but then that’s fodder for another post.

Can’t seem to get connected to the Net, the router seems to be giving intermittent problems: up on minute then down the next. Well nothing I can do until the (darling) expert wakes up and fixes it.

So in the meantime…

…I enjoyed my birthday. Made the effort to dress up though I had initially not planned to, because I felt a little down the day before and deduced (correctly it seems) that dressing up would make me feel better (you know all that jazz about if you look good you feel good?). Funny thing is the other patrons were dressed so casually in shorts and t-shirts, but it really didn’t matter because I was perfectly content.

I enjoyed how easy and comfortable it was. Eating ribs is not very fancy, elegant fare, in fact it’s downright messy but oh what happy food it turned out to be, I know I certainly had an appetite J. In fact I had quite an appetite for all the other dinners as well, I seem to vaguely remember one of the girls commenting on it, heh. But oy! that’s not good news for my thighs though.

I had two lovely birthday cakes, and if it’s not too late to make a wish, I hope I’ll be as happy at the next birthday as I was in this one. And that means having the company of good friends and a certain someone’s face basked in the glow of a birthday candle smiling back at me.

Clumsy is as clumsy does

I've always been clumsy. I remember my teachers and parents calling me 'Butterfingers' ever so often while growing up. These days he has to steer me through obstacle courses (Read: public areas) because on my own I'd probably walk straight into passing cars and have on occasion walked smack into innocent bystanders.

So as if to prove a point today, I have spilled coffee on my shoes, 'mee soto' on my blouse and skirt and (this is mortifying) accidentally spit coffee on my keypad. And all this in the short span of time I've been in the cafeteria. I certainly hope I've finished my quota for clumsiness today, because there's still half a day of work to go!

Mini Movie Review

I now officially love Parker Posey. Has anyone noticed her recent steady revival in moviedom? About time I say. Always liked her for the quirky characters she played in movies, and now she has a leading role worthy of her talents in “The Oh in Ohio”. It was delightfully touching to watch her character grow and find herself. I identified.

Watch it if:

1. You’re a woman

2. You think Parker Posey and Danny DeVito getting it on are a hilarious combination :p

3. You wouldn’t miss Liza Minelli playing an enthusiastic sex guru for the world.

***

“Little Miss Sunshine” is a neat little dysfunctional family road-trip movie. Now, now, before you balk thinking there could be nothing worse that the combination of ‘family’ and ‘road-trip’, this really is one movie that kicks ass. It’ll make you cry and laugh at the same time and yeah, warm fuzzy feelings are inevitable too. All the characters are ‘Super freaks”, watch it and you’ll understand why, but careful you don’t sprain a muscle laughing!

PS: This is not much of a review, but that’s what IMDB is for. Go on now!