Quick Update

Busy. Really.

Next weekend. Maybe.

Oh man.

One door closes

Yesterdays goodbye's were unexpected and rather sweet.

The colleagues full force impromtu troop dowstairs and out the office entrance to wave me off took me by surprise. Driving away in my car I finally felt a twinge of sadness and loss matching their own and wished I had displayed less calm and collectedness and more emotion at leaving. Oh well.

And so now, I will be enjoying my unemployment (I prefer the term slacking off) for all of 4 days, heh.

I love you too.

The end of the road

It has just dawned on me that in 3 days, to be precise, on Wednesday, 15^th February 2006, I will be PC-less.

Excuse me while I …ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Heh.

I was idly wondering what I would do for the 4 days before I start my new job and was pleasantly thinking that I could surf the Net, write some stuff, blog or whatever, when I realized that I’d have to surrender my notebook when I leave.

Excuse me again while I…ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

******

So yeah, I’ve finally gotten round to leaving after almost half a decade and will be starting fresh someplace new.

The past month has been a mixed bag of emotions: the relief at finally moving on was dampened by the nostalgia and sentimentality of leaving the comforts of all the familiar. The excitement of trying out something new in a different environment is also tempered by the fear of the unknown and the niggling voice of self-doubt. So this has left me feeling somewhat neutral and ambivalent. I am the definition of paradox.

But it’s ok. I know it’s the right decision.

******

But that still leaves me with no PC until next week…..

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Weekends like these

…..are one in a million, so complete, I could live in them forever.

I feel loved in a gleeful ‘wiggle-my-toes’ and silly grin kind of way.

And dear, the sneaky little cabaret-ish send off? Really, whatever will the neighbours think?! heh, heh!

So with that image burnt in mind, I’ll drift away tonight with a smile on my lips and laughter in my heart ;)

Not Myself

Suppose I said

I am on my best behaviour

And there are times

I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when

I’m not myself

Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said

Colours change for no good reason

And words will go

From poetry to prose

Would you want me when

I’m not myself

Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around

I always do for you

Suppose I said

You’re my saving grace

John Mayer, Album: Room for Squares

As some are aware, I can’t write poetry to save my life, so sometimes it’s a relief to let someone else do the expressing for you. I stumbled on this and it is so apt, it’s uncanny: every single word dear.

It’s February: run for cover if you know what’s good for you!

It’s that time of the year again, when the romantics make dinner reservations and pre-book roses for their beloved, and the cynical (God forbid you should call them cheap to their faces) get into heated discussions as to why it’s all commercialized and just a socially accepted excuse for daylight robbery.

Personally I find both camps equally tiresome: the ones that buy in to the hoopla and the ones that sneer at their gullibility. But if I had to choose, the self righteous cynics irritate me more, at the very least the love struck sods are thinking only of the happiness of their loved ones however expensive that might prove to be.

It is also that time of the year when people start sneaking looks at their single and unattached friends/colleagues/random strangers in the mall, while shaking their heads and clucking their tongues in condescending pity. I have always wondered why people tend to think singles are all the same and the whole lot should be pitied. Do they really think that on the ‘dreaded’ day, we hide ourselves in our burrows to mope, beat our chests and cry that no one loves us, and no one ever will?

Personally the day has always been ordinary for me, occasionally punctuated with the odd card here and there from people either known or anonymous, and would pass unnoticed if not for the annoying personal questions from nosy parkers who prefer to mind your business rather than their own.

{I think I have spent too much time on my own, that I will forever feel the need to champion the rights of all misunderstood and much maligned singles out there. Heh, I know no one asked me to and probably no one cares but I’ll damn well stand on my soapbox if I want to!}

It’s not hard to tell what’s different for me this year. I feel the same way though about the day: that it has to at least be acknowledged if you have an other half. The trick is to know just how to express it in a way only the other person would understand and appreciate, which means of course that I’m in big trouble because I happen to be clueless!

My fallback plan? If all else fails, I’ll start ranting and raving, daily mind you, at the ridiculously exorbitant prices of all the accompanying celebratory paraphernalia and piously proclaim that love should be declared everyday and not just relegated to one day a year.

Yeah right. Oh shucks, who am I kidding??!

Create or Die

"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.

To him...

a touch is a blow,

a sound is a noise,

a misfortune is a tragedy,

a joy is an ecstasy,

a friend is a lover,

a lover is a god,

and failure is death.

Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - - - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating."

-Pearl S. Buck-

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Now I must crawl back into the cave from whence I came and wailingly (I think I might have just made up a new word ;) mourn my abysmal lack of creativity.

Post Celebration Joy

First day back to work after CNY and feeling good even though I’ve had less days off than most people this time round. There’s something about a pleasant drive thru empty streets the morning after a good night’s sleep following a good talk with the darling-est person, that puts a smile on my face, a sparkle in my eye and an unusual cheeriness in temperament.

Back to CNY, it is with great disappointment that I find the haul getting less and less each year. It’s either the relatives go into hiding from you when the time comes around or they grumpily hold a grudge against you illustrated by the less than generous angpows, because they still have to follow the dictates of tradition by doling out cash to you even though you’re as big (and possibly older) than most hippopotamuses now. Bah!

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Now back to work, and the office is so nice and quiet too. I like. ;)