Legitimacy

I never thought I’d say this but I’ve been thinking about legitimacy. The pressure that society puts on people to conform to a set of sociably acceptable rules dictated and indoctrinated by religion, tradition and so called ‘good’ moral values.

I know what I want and while I wish away at idle moments with abandon, I hesitate to take any step in that direction because I know how difficult it is going to be to face everyone’s reaction. Wish as hard as we might, we aren’t islands and at some point or another I will have to either work hard at hiding the reality of choices I might make or boldly risk facing awkward reactions, disapproving arguments or stony judgmental silences. And yet I know that what I want and what I would love to have is harmless, it’s just society that would swiftly condemn. After all, how can something that makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, be wrong? I have to save so many people’s faces and take care of all their sensibilities that it’s ridiculous.

In any given situation in the past I would have invariably determined that what other people think doesn’t matter and just gone on my merry way. But this time I just don’t know. I do not want to end up isolating and being angry at myself because I have allowed other people to make me feel guilty.

And so I find myself not broaching the subject with the party involved though I think about it often enough and have made a hobby of collecting minor reasons here and there to justify not making that choice.

If only I could find the balls to thumb my nose at society and say “This is my life, if you can’t deal, so be it!”