Work’s been brutal. And I’m actually used it. The familiarity certainly doesn’t stop me from complaining before I resign myself to the same old, same old but strangely enough I laughed more today than I do on (rare) slow days. Maybe I’ve developed a way of taking my mind off things for a little while.
Anyway, back to work. Yesterday was the first time the thought of quitting crossed my mind since I joined this company. It was in the middle of probably the worst external meeting I had ever sat through. But it wasn’t born of a juvenile emotional reaction when faced with difficulty. In fact it was more of a calm realization.
I think what got to me most was the snide comments from our working partner. I understand that they were venting their frustrations at the wrong party but because I could see their point it made me feel embarrassed to be representing my company. And that was the reason the thought crossed my mind: I don’t want to be associated with a company management lacking in sound decision making and high standards in professionalism.
As the Chinese say, I “lost face”.
I might not love what I do, but I take pride in doing a good job. So while it wasn’t personal, I felt the sting all right and I don’t want it to happen again. But when so very little is in your power to change, what can you do?
Thing is I really want to avoid looking for another job. I simply don’t feel I have the strength to start over.
Maybe at 28 going on 29, I’m just too old a dog to be learning new tricks that I don’t care about.
(And in case you’re reading hun, no, this isn’t it! :p )
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