Clumsy is as clumsy does

I've always been clumsy. I remember my teachers and parents calling me 'Butterfingers' ever so often while growing up. These days he has to steer me through obstacle courses (Read: public areas) because on my own I'd probably walk straight into passing cars and have on occasion walked smack into innocent bystanders.

So as if to prove a point today, I have spilled coffee on my shoes, 'mee soto' on my blouse and skirt and (this is mortifying) accidentally spit coffee on my keypad. And all this in the short span of time I've been in the cafeteria. I certainly hope I've finished my quota for clumsiness today, because there's still half a day of work to go!

Mini Movie Review

I now officially love Parker Posey. Has anyone noticed her recent steady revival in moviedom? About time I say. Always liked her for the quirky characters she played in movies, and now she has a leading role worthy of her talents in “The Oh in Ohio”. It was delightfully touching to watch her character grow and find herself. I identified.

Watch it if:

1. You’re a woman

2. You think Parker Posey and Danny DeVito getting it on are a hilarious combination :p

3. You wouldn’t miss Liza Minelli playing an enthusiastic sex guru for the world.

***

“Little Miss Sunshine” is a neat little dysfunctional family road-trip movie. Now, now, before you balk thinking there could be nothing worse that the combination of ‘family’ and ‘road-trip’, this really is one movie that kicks ass. It’ll make you cry and laugh at the same time and yeah, warm fuzzy feelings are inevitable too. All the characters are ‘Super freaks”, watch it and you’ll understand why, but careful you don’t sprain a muscle laughing!

PS: This is not much of a review, but that’s what IMDB is for. Go on now!

Propositioned

This almost slipped my mind.

While in a meeting yesterday with a software distributor ours, I was propositioned.

No, not in that way.

My colleague had walked out for a few minutes leaving me alone with our guests. The General Manager whom I was just meeting for the first time asked me a few questions about my job and experience and then proceeded to ask me if I knew of anyone looking for jobs since they’re hiring for all levels and across the board. He then proceeded to say “Well, however if you were to call me up and ask for a position, I wouldn’t say no”. I must have looked a bit startled because he hastily added that he’d experienced other associated companies pinching employees behind his back, so he might as well be upfront about it. So with sheepish laughter all round and a few non-committal comments, I managed to avoid answering.

I’m still surprised, but it’s easily brushed aside, not because I think he wasn’t serious but because I’m not interested at the moment. But it’s nice anyway to be propositioned. Now where was he when I was desperately looking for a job?

So I’ve resurrected the old playlist again: Dishwalla, Frou Frou, Zero 7, and even after so long it’s still refreshingly pleasant. Reminds me of when I first began listening to them repetitively about a year ago. I’m remembering places, events and times that seem to have been set to this background music, it makes me smile.

**

I had dinner with the ex-colleagues the other day. It was the traditional yearly birthday treat. And what struck me was how down and listless everyone seemed and how upbeat and cheerful I was compared to them. Didn’t it use to be the other way around? Am I happy but somehow managed to miss the news bulletin on my unusual condition?

**

I think two of my good friends have forgotten my birthday, a case of out of sight, out of mind? Any which way it is, they’re both so screwed, and when they realize they’re going to feel so guilty! :p

**

Note to self: Must stop squirming and wiggling butt in seat when delighted about something, most undignified for a 27 year-old turning 28. Erm…most undignified, period.

**

<< wiggles ferociously in seat ;)))>>

Tropical Storm

So near yet so far.

Was rained in at Amcorp Mall for more than an hour, unable to leave as the storm lashed down and cut off all possibility of getting to the open air carpark.

When it became clear that the storm wasn't letting up, I finally parked at Starbucks with plenty of reason to mope as there was nothing to read, no one to talk to and no laptop to surf from.

Interestingly enough, the last shop I walked into before leaving the mall was playing "Let it Rain" by Hootie and the Blowfish. Then as I drove off in the somewhat abated rain, the radio station was playing "Here Comes the Rain Again"by Eurythmics.

Now how's that for coincidence?

A time when Keri Noble 'Talked to me' :)

I heard Keri Noble's "Talk To Me" on the radio while driving today and it brought a smile to my face as I remembered.

Mr. Brown-Eyed Himself

....and the aftermath

It reminded me of him but more than that, of a long time ago when small insignificant things like that made life a bit more fun :). I imagined playing the piano and singing it for him now, just for the heck of seeing the look on his face. Heh, that won't happen-lah, can't play the piano at all!

I found out his name then, but I can't for the life of me recall now. Roger? Richard? Rick?!?

Hehe :p

One year on

Happy Anniversary hun.

It's been quite a ride hasn't it?

I wondered for a while what we had to celebrate. And though it's not very romantic but perhaps it's as simple as the fact you're still here and I'm still here, and that's reason enough.

***

The four poems I carefully selected and have read over and over again and they still sound like music to me. I hope you'll love them as much as I do.

***

This has been said to death and yet can't be said enough: I love you hun.

If You Forget Me - Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loveing me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Love at first sight - Wislawa Szymborska

They're both convinced
that a sudden passion joined them.
Such certainty is more beautiful,
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they'd never met before, they're sure
that there'd been nothing between them.
But what's the word from the streets, staircases, hallways--
perhaps they've passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them
if they don't remember--
a moment face to face
in some revolving door?
perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?
a curt "wrong number"caught in the receiver?--
but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.

They'd be amazed to hear
that Chance has been toying with them
now for years.

Not quite ready yet
to become their Destiny,
it pushed them close, drove them apart,
it barred their path,
stifling a laugh,
and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals,
even if they couldn't read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago
or just last Tuesday
a certain leaf fluttered
from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up.
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished
into childhood's thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells
where one touch had covered another
beforehand.
Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night. perhaps, the same dream,
grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning
is only a sequel, after all,
and the book of events
is always open halfway through.

I seem to have loved you – Rabindranath Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
In life after life, in age after age forever.
My spell-bound heart has made and re-made the necklace of songs
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms
In life after life, in age after age forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together,
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount
At the heart of time love of one for another.
We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love, but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you,
The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life,
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours-
And the songs of every poet past and forever.

I carry your heart with me – e.e.cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

It pays the bills

Am I becoming a workaholic?

.

.

.

.

Nah, that is so not me.

But I do get concerned (read: worried) and shoulder more than my fair share of responsibility when it comes to work. When I’m rushing deadlines for tenders there is absolutely no way I would slack off, I’d come in early (though I rarely stay late) and thoroughly stress myself out with work. So much so that I have trouble sleeping at night sometimes, tossing and turning and waking up at ungodly hours over and over again, running quotation figures in my head and having nightmares of missing that important deadline (which I never do anyway). I am even sometimes aware of struggling in that half-awake, half-asleep state.

But while I am not a workaholic (I greatly resent free time eaten into and wasted by having to come back to work), I do have difficulty cutting loose when urgent personal matters arise and I have to skip work to attend to them. I hyperventilate a little when worrying how they will cope without me, then reluctantly let it slide.

While I was complaining yet again about the volume of work I have, someone just asked me if I enjoyed my work. I said I don’t have time to sit down and think whether I do or not. But this I know, I won’t do it forever. This can’t be my calling, if there is such a thing. There is not much joy in it. It is just work, work, work; neither bad nor good, which for the moment, suffices.

It's that time of the year again

No, no, not Christmas (though I heard that Metrojaya has started selling Xmas decorations already :!), November. No wait, that didn't quite come out right, one more time: it's N-O-V-E-M-B-E-R!!!

I was counting the number of people (seperate groups and individuals) who would be taking me out for treats this month and have so far come up with 4 almost surethings. I'm deciding to ask those with good taste to get me presents instead and those with not so good taste to take me for crabs for which my craving has yet to be satisfied.

I'm surprised that I'm actually looking forward to it this year considering howI usually feel; old and alone. November is when everything comes into sharp relief but I haven't been able to give it much thought what with work and so many other interferences. I'll get round to it for sure, I always do.

For now I'll just imagine all the crustaceans I can eat and presents to die for.

Ahhh.....:)