Subterfuge

When a virtual stranger enthusiastically recommends food, proceeds to order it for you and expresses horror when you attempt to pay for it, you must do your best to save face, yours and the stranger that is. No matter if the food was sub-standard, and chockfull of allergy inducing bits, shovel it down you must. So there I was grinning and bearing it magnificently as I stoically munched and swallowed the bad char keuy teow while my stomach issued a volley of protests. I even consumed quite a bit of taugeh so as not to draw attention to myself!

You see, I’m a char keuy teow purist. Yes, there is such a thing, I just made it up, see? It’s a malady Malaysian Northerners suffer without exception when it comes to food. You know how your Penang or Kedahan friends tirelessly wrinkle their noses and complain about every single item of hawker food that can be gotten here in KL or JB or Singapore for that matter? Well that’s the purist in them. We’ve been spoiled silly by quality food since young that our taste buds unequivocally reject inferior substitutes. So when we move to other parts of the country, we lose weight by default. (How’s that for a weight loss program?)

And char keuy teow which seems soo simple on the outside, is actually one of the hardest things to get right. I should know, after years of trying, all I need to do is look at it in order to tell if it’ll be any good. I personally think that the problem is the texture of the keuy teow that they use. It always turns out wet, when the last thing a “char” should be is wet. And they like to put foreign objects like lap cheong, which should not come anywhere near it, in it. What’s up with that? *Sigh…*

Urgh….if only he knew how much it took for me to bite my tongue, control my expression and use mind control to stop the gag reflex. Hm, I think I’ll politely decline the next time he has another brilliant suggestion…