Truth is I don't feel better. I don't know why I make like I'm ok and cheerful even when I'm not. And doing that just makes me angrier and even more frustrated. I feel like I need to, have to, must, vent my anger and frustration, to find an outlet, and pounding the keyboard doesn't help. Writing doesn't help, much. Crying doesn't help. Smashing something to smithereens or ripping something apart into tiny pieces or screaming my head off till I'm hoarse or pounding something with my fists until they bleed would probably work better.

It's a struggle to appear calm and in control when I'm like this. Right now between typing, I'm clenching my fists, feeling my fingernails dig deep in my palm, holding it all in.

I don't know.

I don't have an answer to this question:

What's wrong with me?

Words are inadequate, they fail miserably and eloquence is a lie.